I’m Ready

I looked up one day and asked, “where had the time gone?”  My son is on his way to high school, my nieces and nephews are adult college students and I ain’t getting any younger.  After a 7 year relationship, I decided to take some time for me and learn to be comfortable with me.  That was my story in 2010 when we were finally over.  After a very fun filled, exciting and adventurous 3 years I started to think “What am I doing?”  The single life became a drug for me.  I had been in these situations during my life’s 17 – 30 time period.  The ability to be free and do as I pleased without ridicule appealed to a young woman.  However, as my friendship circle began to diminish because they were jumping the broom, making it official & settling down.  I kept running from something I wanted but knew I wasn’t ready for.  Yes, I have had some close calls but that past relationship showed me how it feels to be loved, cared for and respected by someone declaring their love for and to you.  So those “FILLERS” were never the real thing just a little needed entertainment.  True, I had hope for 1 maybe even 2 but there was always something that held me back.  Don’t judge me – I’m still single.

Over the past 16 months, I have considered where I want my life to be in the next few years.  I’ll give you the short story.  I tend to go all around the mulberry bush telling the long version, lol!  First of all, I’d like to get married.  I’ve reduced my requirements list down to a few critical components that must be present for someone and myself to move forward.  That took a lot of maturity on my part because that thing use to look like the list Santa Claus had to check twice.  In the near future, I’d like to have at least 1 more child.  I know #19 is almost grown, they won’t be close, I’ll be starting all over again and I’m crazy.  Moreover, I never intended on him being an only child.  It’s just the way it happened.  I made a vow to God that I wouldn’t go through what I’ve been through being a single mom again.  He’s held me to my word and I’ve maintained my end of the deal.  Now, that I have had this epiphany.  I had to figure out a way to see if I had grown enough to accept what I wanted and needed.  But how was I going to achieve this without putting myself into a serious situation without exclusively dating anyone?  God has always answered prayer.  Didn’t he send me an angel, in a friend of mine.

Happiness

I won’t go into the details of it but the results are in.  In the case of Marlea Z. Wilson being ready for a serious relationship again. We find that SHE IS READY to give it a go again.  (That was my best Maury Show results impersonation, lol)  The results displayed that I was willing to do my part in contributing to my next relationship, positively.  So you might have the question as to “Why didn’t the friend and I just continue?”  Simple answer we’re friends.  I fell in love with the woman I had grown into since my last relationship.  Now, it’s time for me to consider sharing myself with someone special again, seriously.

The reason this is so important to me is because after my 7 year realtionship, I decided to take a break from being in a relationship to focus on me and what I wanted.  Most importantly, I desired to know what I needed.  It is evident that the time was well spent.  Yes, it took me a total of 3 years to get here but I’m here and LOVE the woman I became in that time.  I have no desire to settle and have become more optimistic about the next stage of my life.

As always, smile it might make someone else’s day moreso than yours.  🙂

6 Comments

  1. I recently just touched on this subject in my blog. I think that we all need to take some time off to get to really know ourselves. We need to be happy and in love with ourself before we can go out and truly love others. Great post 🙂

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